So, it's near the end of the semester. We just had Thanksgiving, we just got to push through the last few weeks of school and finals, and we will be freeeeee for a few weeks.
Well, this is usually the time that stress gets to me.
And, oh, did it get to me.
So, some back story: This semester, I took an interior design class, purely for fun. It was not to fill any sort of requirements for anything, it honestly just sounded like a fun class. Since it was just for fun, and didn't count toward anything, I kind of put it on the back burner a bit. I still did my assignments, but I wasn't putting quite as much effort into them as my other classes. I mean, no big deal, I was still doing pretty well in the class, so it was ok. But in October, our 2nd midterm was coming up, and it would be in the testing center for a few days. After reviewing my schedule, I found that taking it on the last day of the test was going to be my best option. I had a work training meeting that night, but they usually only last an hour or two, so I knew I would have time to take it that night. When I got to my work meeting, I found out that what I thought was going to be a short, hour long meeting was supposed to be a 4-hour meeting, meaning I would completely miss the test. Well, for my job, if I don't get the right training, I can't work. So I knew I couldn't just blow the meeting off. So right there, in the middle of the meeting, I emailed my interior design professor, explaining the situation, and asking if there was any way possible for me to come in and take the test first thing in the morning, or if that wouldn't be possible, if there was anything I could do to make up some of the points I would miss from not taking the test. I never hear back from him, so two days later, I went up to him after class to ask him if he got my email. He said he did, but that he just didn't want to deal with it, so he didn't reply. (Which I immediately thought was very unprofessional. Even if there was nothing I could do, at least tell me that.) He told me there was nothing I could do to make up for the test. Well, with completely missing an exam, I knew that I would probably fail the class. After about a week, I decided the best thing for me to do was withdraw from the class. Since I had never had to do that before, I asked someone who works in my advisement center what to do. I was told that I needed to meet with my academic adviser before I could withdraw. So I went to make an appointment, and I was told that the withdraw deadline was November 19th. So I mad an appointment for the 17th with my adviser (that was the soonest time her schedule was open at a time that mine was too). When I went in, I explained my situation, and my adviser told me that I didn't need to make an appointment with her, I could have just withdrawn on my own. Then she opened up my schedule so she could withdraw me, and the button to withdraw wasn't there. She was confused since she thought the deadline was on the 19th. So she pulled out her university schedule, and looked up the deadline. It turns out, the deadline was actually on the 10th, and I had missed it, but my adviser told me I could petition to withdraw. So I filled out the petition, and wrote why I had missed the deadline (because a BYU employee had given me incorrect information), and I had to get a signature from my professor. I went to the office and turned in my petition, and I was told it might be a few days before they could get to mine and that I would be emailed with their decision.
Fast forward a few weeks to last Wednesday. I woke up late, was rushed to finish an in-class assignment (that ended up not being printed after I sent it to the printer), I had a dance test that I didn't feel prepared for, and I was sooo stressed out thinking of all of the things that I had to get done (including making a portfolio and applying to the creative track of the advertising program). I realized that I had not heard from the petition office, so I decided to go in, just to see if my petition had been looked at yet.
And that is when I broke.
I received the news that my petition had been denied.
I managed to say "Oh, ok. Thanks." to the girl and turn around before bursting into tears.
This could not be happening to me.
After all that I went through, I would not be able to withdraw from my class, even though me missing the deadline was not my fault, but the fault of an employee of BYU.
I was done. I couldn't handle it. I called my father on the phone and begged him to just let me quit and drive home that night. I didn't want to deal with getting an F in a class (especially since my grades from all my other semesters had been nothing special. Not horrible, but not fantastic). I didn't want to deal with all of my assignments and papers and finals and tests. I just wanted to call it quits and go home. My dad told me I couldn't do that. I cried and talked to him until I had to go to class, and I somehow composed myself for my last two classes of the day. My friend gave me a ride home, and I went straight to a work party, then I went to WalMart, to pick up a flash drive for my creative track application. I came home, and did some work, and then decided to go to bed. I got all ready and I decided to read my favorite scripture before praying. And oh, did I pray. I can only think of a couple of other times when I prayed so hard. I kneeled at the side of my bed, just pouring out my heart to the Lord. I told Him that I couldn't do it. I could not possibly handle this news with all of my stress on my own. No, I needed help. It's like the part of the poem, Footprints in the Sand, there was only going to be one set of footprints in the sand at this point, they weren't going to be mine. They couldn't be mine. I could not do it. I asked God to help me get through the next few days, to take away my stress, and to make everything ok. I knew He wasn't going to miraculously change the petition reviewers' minds, but I knew He could comfort me, and help me find a some other solution. I went to bed that night feeling completely peaceful.
The next morning, I decided to read my scriptures in the morning, which I don't normally do (I'm a night time scripture reader), and then I went to the temple. After the temple, I went immediately to working on my portfolio. There was so much I had to do, since I hadn't even started to put it together, but I was somehow able to almost finish it before I had to leave to go to work. After work, I ate dinner and then met up with one of the girls in one of my group projects to work on our ads so I could get as much of them as possible for my portfolio. I thought she was applying too, so she would need some finished ads too, but she had decided not to apply. She stayed and worked on the project with me for 4 hours just to help me out, not for her benefit at all. When I got home, I put the improved ads in my portfolio and worked on it a little bit more before going to bed.
On Friday, I had to go on a tour thing for one of my classes. After, I went to campus to work on an assignment for one of my classes. Then I went to class and my class was able to get lots of work done on our class project. After class, I met with the professor of the class I tried to withdraw from to discuss my options. My options are 1) take the F. Or 2) get an incomplete, and start the class where I left off next semester (but I wouldn't be registered for the class, so online assignments would be super difficult for me because I couldn't access them online. Also I'd have to do all of that class's work on top of my full schedule of other classes.) I couldn't believe that my professor, who had been pretty unprofessional, was now willing to work with me so I wouldn't get a failing grade. After meeting with him, I went to finish my application. All I had to do was write a letter explaining why I should get in. The idea came into my head to re-write the lyrics to a song as my "letter", and then, after picking a song, the words just came to me. Honestly, I really only had to think hard about one little part, the rest just wrote itself. I know it's kind of silly, but I know that I was receiving inspiration from God.
Even though last week was really hard for me, it really strengthened my testimony. I know that God hears and answers my prayers. He does not want me to fail or be unhappy. I know that when I put God first in my life, I can be blessed in ways I never thought I could be. I also know that God really cares about me and my interests and likes and wants and hopes and desires. He knows about my stresses and disappointments and helplessness. I know that Jesus Christ went through exactly what I felt last week, plus more. Plus so much more. And he chose to do it, he chose to take on all of the sins, pains, and sorrows of every single person who has ever or will ever live on the earth. I can't imagine how that must of felt, how much strength it took. I was ready to give up completely after just one day of disappointment and stress. I am forever, eternally grateful for my loving Father in Heaven and for Jesus Christ.
